


Tails of a Dragon (Ball)

by sendosenpai



Category: Dragon Ball, Naruto
Genre: A sexy dragon, Attempt at Humor, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Relationships, Crossover, Everyone Hates Sakura, Goku's rippling abs, Haruno Sakura Bashing, Humor, I'm not sorry, Just a bit of fun, Sakura Is Useless, Sexual Humor, crack shipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25868944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sendosenpai/pseuds/sendosenpai
Summary: Sakura learns about the seven balls that summon a magical dragon. The sexy dragon gives her two wishes - they aren't exactly PG ;)
Kudos: 13





	Tails of a Dragon (Ball)

Sakura smirked to herself. Her plan was going very smoothly.

After being rejected by Sasuke for the umpteenth time, she had decided to get back at him in the cruellest way possible… by getting herself a new mans hehe. He would definitely be jealous then, and fight for her hand. Of this, she had no doubt. He WAS into her, she knew it, her mum knew it because Sakura had told her, her dad knew it because her mum had told him, the only one who didn’t know it was Sasuke himself. Silly boi. Did he not REALIZE him trying to kill her that time was flirting? And leaving the village and all that was all for her attention? And rejecting her over and over again was only because he was too scared to face the reality of his undying love for her. If he didn’t realize it himself, she would have to show him.

She had heard many tales about the mysterious dragon balls but had always put them down to folklore. Then the other day, when she was on a mission, just standing and watching a battle she took no part in, she saw an enemy with two orange balls - one with four stars on it, another with three. They were shiny and pretty, so she made Naruto retrieve them for her. She would do it herself but why do things yourself when you can get Naruto to do them hmmmmmmm?

“Naruto, you’re so annoying! You’re so useless,” she lamented when he returned, “these balls have dirt on them, don’t you know I like balls to be clean before I suck – I mean, touch- them.”

After Naruto apologised and completed the mission on his lonesome as Sakura watched, they headed back to the Hidden Leaf Village where they ran into Kakashi Sensei.

He glanced up from the porn novel he was reading. Seeing Sakura, he momentarily wondered if he should act like he hadn’t noticed them coming and leave, but alas he was too late! Sakura was already waving at him with both hands.

Heart sinking, he had to put down his erotica, and plaster a smile to his face, while cursing that goddamn Third Hokage for putting Sakura in his team. That old bastard was probably cackling in his grave at Kakashi’s predicament.

“Good job, _Naruto_ ,” he said pointedly, “You did well on your mission, I’ll have to buy you some ramen sometime.”

“Thanks,” answered Sakura.

Kakashi sighed. Once again, he wished Orochimaru had taken Sakura not Sasuke. But at the same time, he couldn’t exactly blame the Sannin for his choice. Who in their right mind would _choose_ to be lumped with Sakura?

“Do you want to see my balls?” asked Naruto innocently.

“I have no such tastes in men,” replied Kakashi walking away, “Guy might want to see them though.”

“Ahem they’re MY balls, thank you very much!” yelled Sakura at Naruto.

“I once saw balls like those,” said a mysterious voice in the shadows, “If you gather all seven, you can have any two wishes granted at all. But then, the balls scatter and can’t be used for another year.”

“WAAAAAAAA-” cried Sakura, “How would you know that? Who ARE you?”

The man in the shadows stepped out. He was wearing an orange gi, with spiky black hair, and bulging muscles. No, it was not the hunky Goku. And no, it was not the dashing Gohan. Nor was it the cutie-pie Goten. Twas actually Yamcha – the least handsome one, with the least bulging muscles.

“I left my home to live here where my talents are more appreciated,” cried Yamcha passionately, teary-eyed at the disrespecc he had received at ‘home’. His talents were not appreciated in the Leaf Village either, as no one had cared for or even noticed his presence, but they did not point this out.

“Aha!” said Sakura, “Naruto, I know what you’ll do today.”

Naruto sighed sadly.

-

And here she was, her plan unfolding, with all the balls in front of her courtesy of Naruto. It had taken him, like, HOURS to do this, which had annoyed her very much. What a useless boi he was! But at least she had them now. The orange balls. She liked to stroke the balls and lick them and put them whole in her mouth (she did not understand why everyone sniggered when she’d said this). But right now, she needed them for something else.

She stood in front of the balls, cleared her throat, and shrieked, “MIGHTY DRAGON COME FORTH, GRANTETH MY WISHES!”

The sky turned pitch black, the balls glowed, a powerful beam of light emerged, taking shape of a large green dragon, standing at seventy or so feet high.

She gasped. Naruto gasped. The Nine-Tails gasped. The Fifth Hokage gasped. Sai gasped. The villagers gasped. Neji (looking from afar with the use of his Byakugan) gasped. Shikamaru, who had been snoozing, woke up and gasped, then fell back to sleep. Kakashi gasped (but he was gasping at the latest Makeout Paradise plot twist – so the mc didn’t love the girl after all? WHAT?)

“Who died NOW motherfu- wait, you’re not those guys?” the dragon’s voice was deep and rumbling, his tone went from irritated to confused. He cleared his throat and began again,

“My name is Shenron. I will grant any two wishes. Choose them carefully.”

“Man, this is soooo cool. I wish Sasuke was here to see this,” said Naruto in awe.

“Your wish has been granted,” said the dragon, his eyes glowing Sharingan-red as Sasuke Uchiha immediately popped up next to Naruto.

“Narutooooo,” cried Sasuke, “What did you do? I told you I have broken ALL my bonds. Especially with the likes of you.” he flounced off – back to Orochimaru -as Sakura and Naruto stared after him.

“You wasted a wish!” hissed Sakura, even though her second wish definitely would have been to be to bring Sasuke there anyway. “Now let ME do the talking.”

“What is your second wish?” demanded the impatient dragon.

“I wish for… MORE WISHES,” said Sakura with a wide grin, proud of herself for being SUCH a genius. No one would have that thought of asking for more wishes before. She didn’t just PLAY the game, she CHANGED it. She and Naruto high-fived and finger-gunned.

“What is your second wish?” asked the dragon again, not bothering with the whole ‘that wish cannot be granted’ shtick for this. He was just so tired of dumbass people asking for more wishes. There was LITERALLY nothing more annoying.

“Oh well, it was worth a shot. I wish” Sakura took a deep breath. This was her plan all along. Finally, it was happening. “For a boyfriend!”

The dragon’s eyes glowed red for a while but then returned to their natural state.

“That wish cannot be granted,” he rumbled.

“WHAT? Why not?”

“It is beyond my power. There is no man on this planet that would ever consent to that,” explained the dragon. He too was surprised by this. Once, that Krillin had secretly used the dragon to ask for a booty call, years ago, and even that wish had been possible, and Krillin and Vegeta had had a one-time-only, hot and heavy romp session where they made steamy, passionate love. It had been Krillin’s first time so Vegeta was gentle. He had tried calling Vegeta multiple times after, but Vegeta had coldly ghosted him. They hadn’t mentioned it since – it was still too painful for Krillin and humiliating for Vegeta.

“Kamidammit,” said Sakura. She then had an amazing idea. This dragon was kinda hot. As far as animals and beasts went, this was one sexy, sexy creature. She stood straight, pushed out her cheeseboard-flat tits, twirled her hair, moistened her lips, and giggled in what she assumed was a seductive manner.

The dragon watched her with boredom, reminding himself he would be able to go back to his year-long slumber soon. He was strangely appreciative of his usual callers. Annoying as they were, they were at least not as annoying as this girl.

“So Shenron-kun,” she spoke in a low ‘sexy’ tone, “Like what you see?”

She promiscuously stuck out her butt and winked at him with both eyes.

“No,” said the dragon, annoyed now. “What is your wish Dendedammit?”

“I wish,” Sakura’s lips formed an evil grin, “that YOU be my boyfriend. Mwahahahahaha.”

“That wish is beyond my-” began the dragon before he realized - oh wait – it WASN’T. Dende hadn’t planned for this, he hadn’t realized how many people wanted to sleep with the dragon, so he had not put in the necessary restrictions.

The dragon’s heart sank like boulders. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO. NOOOOO. NOOOOOOOOOO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. This could not happen. Then an idea formed in his mind.

“I do not consent to that. However, as the wish-granting dragon, in my very nature I can not reject a wish that is in my power. Therefore, I will make you a deal. I will have a one-night stand with you and that will be all. You are never to call on me again after that. No matter what. Capiche?”

“Capiche.” Said Sakura, pleased that her plan was underway. Sasuke couldn’t have gone too far. He would surely hear about her getting with a dragon and come back for her like a knight in Susanoo armour.

-

Shenron figured he might as well make the dream come true then and there. It was short and gross for Shenron and magical for Sakura. Naruto covered his eyes but peeked through his fingers (naughty boi). After the dragon had inserted its dragon parts inside the human girl in a carnal fashion, it said “Your wish has been granted.” With that, it whooshed off, the sky brightened again, and the seven dragon balls scattered all over the globe.

“What’s your number?” Sakura hollered after Shenron, choosing to ignore the fact that he’d told her not to call him ever again.

There was, of course, no reply. Oh well. Sakura had to complete the final phase of her plan.

“Sasuke, Sasuke,” she called and started running with her arms outstretched behind her.

Naruto followed. He also wanted to see their best friend Sasuke.

Sasuke was standing on a cliff, as Sakura and Naruto reached the cliff that was opposite.

“NARUTOOOO.” Called Sasuke.

“SASUKEEEE.” Called Naruto.

“NARUTOOOO.”

“SASUKEEEEE.”

“NARUTOOOO.”

“SASUKEEEEEE.”

“BORUTOOOO’S DAAAD.”

“SAKURA.” She announced her own name.

“What do you want?” Sasuke asked her, his tone as cold as Haku’s ice.

“I wanted to let you know I have another mans in my life.” Sakura held her head high. “His name is Shenron and he and I are in love. He’s a dragon and he’s more powerful than you’ll EVER be.”

With that, she crossed her fingers behind her back, hoping Sasuke would say the words she longed to hear. That HE was her only mans. And then he would take her in his arms and ask her to marry him and bear his seed.

Instead, Sasuke said “A DRAGON? Ew that’s beastiality, Sakura! You’re _disgusting_.”

Naruto’s eyes widened – come to think of it, it WAS beastiality. So gross.

“Ugh, Sakura,” he said disappointedly. Kurama from inside Naruto was laughing its head and nine tails off.

Sasuke and Naruto stalked off together, their common disgust in Sakura making them forget their differences.

“Damn them. Damn them to HFIL,” cursed Sakura, “Well, I don’t need them. I have Shenron.”

She clasped her hands together and gazed up at the sky, “Oh my Shenron, how can a love so potent be so forbidden?”

She sighed wistfully, her hair blowing in the breeze, her eyes closed, as she reminisced about the raw, animal sex she’d had with a dragon.

Suddenly out of nowhere, a man appeared before her. She screamed shrilly.

“Don’t touch me! I’m a powerful ninja,” she was bluffing of course, but she was sure she was convincing. Her shaky voice and jumpy demeanour couldn’t give away too much.

“Why would I touch you? I don’t even know you,” said the man, perplexed.

She now had a good look at him and – mama mia! - he was one sexy, sexy man. The Daddy of all DILFs. His rippling muscles were abnormal, his body looked like it had been fashioned by the Kais (or Kami or Dende) themselves, his hair was spiky, the colour of ebony, shining in the scorching sun. His angular face’s every feature was delicately carved to be the epitome of male beauty. His sensuality and innocence oozed out of him equally in blutz waves. He had one arm behind his head, in true anime style, and a goofy grin on his face that somehow made this enchanting man even more desirable.

“Daddy?” she squeaked involuntarily, “Whoops, Freudian slip. I meant to say, ‘who are you’?

“Definitely not your father, I can tell you that much,” the man laughed an infectious laugh that stirred within Sakura a flurry of hormonal emotion she hadn’t felt for a long time. Like, since ten whole minutes ago with Shenron.

She smiled weakly, batting her eyelashes vigorously, and trying to position herself as promiscuously as possible. She ended up in a twerking position, winking up at him.

He cheerfully ignored this, completely oblivious to her ‘charm’.

“My name is Goku. You seen any dragon balls around here? My dragon radar seems to say they’re with you… Can I have them please? I need them to wish back everyone that died from the little alien attack that happened today. You may not have noticed but there’s just a small group of us left, and this village somehow. Everyone else is dead, and all the cities are destroyed, but that’s just the way it always goes aha,” he looked around, as if expecting to find the balls hidden amongst the rocks.

“I used them,” confessed Sakura, standing up straight, “For a very good use. I used them to bang a dragon.”

“Bang? Like the Big Bang Attack? You know how to do that, and you shot it at the dragon?” asked Goku, confused.

“What? No, I mean I slept with him!”

“I didn’t know Shenron sleeps! How does he fit in a bed?”

“SEX! I mean SEX! The thing you do to make babies!”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhh. I know that! Chi Chi taught me how to make our kids,” said Goku cheerfully. Then he frowned, realising Sakura had done it with a dragon.

“Yuck! Wait, so if you used one wish for that, do we still have the other one?”

“Nope,” replied Sakura, “Naruto used that one.”

“Huh,” Goku scratched his face, “Since everyone’s dead, we need to wish them back ASAP. My best friend Vegeta said he’ll destroy me if I don’t bring them all back. He’s so playful, always joking like that. Like he could ever beat _me_!” he laughed again.

He paused. “The radar is still beeping though. It seems to be saying they’re already gathered and are all here… is it malfunctioning? No, I don’t think so…”

Sakura stared at his beautiful, beautiful face as he tried to piece it together.

“I know!” he announced, “Dende’ll know what’s going on! C’mon kid let’s go.”

He grabbed her arm and she said lewdly, “You know you could grab me from somewhere else.” She stuck her ass and tits out.

He stared at her confused, and then grabbed her shoulder.

Within a flash, they were somewhere Sakura had never seen before.

It was like a home in the air, with plants, one large house, enough room for a large group of people to hang, and that was about it.

“This is the Lookout,” explained Goku to her. “Hey Dende, I need your help for something!”

He waved over a green alien man with pointy ears and antennae.

There was another green man with pointy ears and antennae, but he was taller. There was a little bald man that reached only the waists of the others. Then there was another short man. He was also sexy, although not as sexy as Goku. But – most importantly- this man was wearing spandex. The material closely clung to his buff body, bulging muscles, and bulging bulge.

Sakura looked at the bulge and stared at it open mouthed. For such a short man, he was very well compensated in his phallic region.

She gave him a double thumbs up and goofy smile. He scowled at her, feeling violated. He knew his bulge was bulging but he didn’t want Sakura’s bulging eyes perving over it.

“Dende, this girl used up the dragon’s wishes to do the thing you do to make babies with him, but the Dragon Radar says all seven are with her still. What’s going on?”

“I can only think of one possible answer,” the green faced man had gone white faced, “this isn’t good. I should have prepared for a situation like this, I just didn’t think it would ever happen I suppose. But that’s my mistake.” He hung his head.

The other green guy (Piccolo or, as they sometimes affectionately called him, Pickles) said in a grave voice, “Dende, tell us what happened.”

“Beastiality!” Dende looked away from the others dramatically, “It’s not a problem on my own asexual planet of course, so I didn’t think of this. But I should have. I should have prepared for someone engaging in intercourse with my dragon. He is far too sexy for this not to have happened. Why, oh why, was he made to be so sexy?”

“But what does this meeeeeaaaan?” demanded the bald man (Krillin).

“It means,” Dende hung his head, “the magical power of Shenron transferred from the old balls into… new ones. This girl bears the seed of Shenron. Or, more accurately, his balls. She now carries the dragon balls inside her WOMB!”

There was a silence that followed this. Sakura stared open-mouthed at them. The dragon balls were now her children? Yaaaaassssss. Except no one else seemed happy.

“How could you let this happen Kakarot?” screamed the bulge-y man, grabbing Goku by his shirt, which lifted up to reveal a _slice_ of sexy torso.

Sakura had no choice. She HAD to wolf-whistle.

Goku looked confused, Bulge Boi looked disgusted, Green Bois shrieked and pressed their hands to their ears in agony, Baldie looked understanding.

“Vegeta, let him go,” Krillin finally turned back to the others. He watched the way Vegeta was gripping Goku’s clothes and thought wistfully to the time Vegeta had gripped his clothes like that as he’d taken them off. He sighed with hidden longing.

Vegeta, scowling, let go but now focused his fierceness on Sakura instead.

“Well now what? If the dragon balls are inside her now, how do we get them out? Everyone’s DEAD. They’re DEEEEAAAD!” he screamed, the whole floor shook, trees vibrated with the force, and pot plants got destroyed.

“Oh relax, it’s just death!” chucked Goku, “we’ve all been there. They’ll come back. It’s not like death is permanent after all! Besides, at least our kids are fine.”

Their kids _were_ fine, just resting in the Chamber after their exhausting battles, the precious smol ones. People always assumed Goku was a bad dad, but he was not, he loved his kids very, very much, and was always a supportive daddy to them.

“I think… the only way to get them out…” said Piccolo in his deep, serious tone, “Is for her to give birth to them.”

“Since they’re only balls and don’t need to develop, I’ll give it a month. Everyone will have to stay dead till then,” Dende said.

The others grumbled but accepted this fate.

Goku took Sakura back to the Hidden Leaf. She was not too happy about them stealing her seven first born kids, but at least this way she might see her baby daddy again.

-

One month later, Sakura was in her bedroom looking out of the window. Sakura stroked her large stomach, imagining the rocks inside her. She wondered if they would take after their mummy or their daddy. Sasuke and Naruto were walking past with Kakashi Sensei, having just come back from a mission. Somehow, Sakura’s absence in their team had brought them all together, and they were stronger than ever (as a team and in power). Sakura decided to join them uninvited – why would they not want her?

Sasuke groaned when she arrived, Naruto smiled but looked like he was in pain doing so, Kakashi’s mask hid his expression of disgust. Since Sakura had been removed from Team 7, they had hoped they would see no more of her, but she always followed them still.

“When my little balls are born, they’ll be seven too, and they’ll form their OWN Team 7 ahahahaha,” Sakura said. Sasuke considered being evil again just to kill her.

Suddenly, some liquid trickled down Sakura’s leg, and all the males groaned.

“It’s not pee, silly billies, it’s my water breaking,” cried Sakura, “the balls are coming, the balls are COMING!”

“Don’t want to be here for that either,” muttered Kakashi, opening the Fifty Shades of Grey book he was reading.

Suddenly, a group of four transported right in front of the other group of four.

The four looked into the other four’s eyes.

“Hi I’m Goku! This is Vegeta, Krillin, and Piccolo,” said that sexy, sexy man with the Herculean bod.

“Daddy?” whispered Naruto, and then shook his head. Where did that Freudian slip come from?

“You’re not one of my sons, silly,” said The Daddy cheerfully.

Sasuke and Vegeta looked at each other for a long while. They didn’t know why but they felt a familiarity between themselves already. They nodded at each other then looked away again.

Kakashi introduced himself and the others, before asking Piccolo, “Is that the jutsu of the Yellow Leaf? Or a more refined teleportation jutsu?”

“It’s his instant transmission,” explained Piccolo pointing at Goku, “but more importantly, we need the dragon balls to wish back the dead dudes.”

Krillin was bending down, to peer at Sakura, who was now kneeling on the ground holding her stomach.

“It’s starting guys!” he hollered.

“Their father isn’t here yet!” protested Sakura.

“Well he can’t be here until the dragon balls are here, can he? CAN HE? Dumbass!” barked Vegeta.

Krillin watched the cold-blooded Prince of Saiyans out the side of his eye. This whole Sakura x Shenron ordeal reminded him of how coldly Vegeta had dismissed their night of passion. He had begged for Vegeta to stay - even a small piece of him (and his ass) was enough. Krillin was happy to be the ‘side-piece’, to be scorned by others and himself for being a ‘homewrecker’, he would have done anything, given anything, lost anything… but Vegeta casually and indifferently broke his heart as one breaks a cheap plate that can easily be replaced.

Goku took Sakura to Dende to give birth, and then joined the others who had gone to eat ramen. Goku and Vegeta ate the shop out of business to Naruto and the shop owner’s distress.

They had a grand old time. Naruto and Goku bonded over their love of ramen, they sparred, they joked around, they laughed, and they cried (of laughter). Sasuke and Vegeta briefly mentioned their dead clan/race, and then watched Naruto and Goku respectively, slightly jealous that their besties were getting along so well with someone else. Piccolo and Kakashi joined in for some of the fun, but mostly chilled, Piccolo meditating, and Kakashi reading Fifty Shades. Krillin got drunk to drown out his feelings for the Prince.

When they were done, they stopped by the Lookout. Sakura was cradling her babies in her arms.

“I’ll name you all Sakura jr, Shenron jr, Shenny-chan, and Sakky-chan, Dragonio, Dragonista, and-” she smiled at Sasuke, “Sasuke jr.”

Sasuke vomited down the side of the Lookout onto Yamcha’s head.

“Ah, so now the dragon balls are here, we can make our wish!” said Dende, “Goku, go ahead.”

“Hey Shenron,” called Goku to the seven balls.

That did not work.

“Er… Shenron?” repeated Goku uncertainly, looking back at the others.

“It can’t be,” gasped Dende, “Shenron’s magic is gone?”

“How is that possible?” demanded Piccolo.

“It _is_ Sakura,” shrugged Kakashi, “Her uselessness is half the DNA. She would give birth to a copy ninja that can’t copy”

“She would give birth to a Tailed Beast without any tails,” giggled Naruto.

“She would give birth to an Uchiha who needs glasses,” chortled Sasuke. He and the others paused to shudder at the very idea.

Sakura looked down at the ordinary rocks with stars on them and felt sad she won’t see their daddy ever again. She had hoped to raise them with him as a family.

“So what now then?” hollered Vegeta.

“Guess Earth doesn’t have Dragon Balls anymore, all because of Sakura,” Kakashi shook his head. Although disappointed, he was not surprised her uselessness would lead to this.

Krillin, still drunk, giggled and said, “AHAHAHA sooooo useless and, like, she’s not even hot. Like, I don’t do much either, but at least I’m a sex symbol, my fan service brings all the ladies in!”

He winked and stuck his pelvis out. Everyone ignored him.

“Guess everyone stays dead then,” Goku sighed. Why, oh why, did Sakura have to make babies with a dragon?

“There’s always the Namekian dragon balls,” pointed out Piccolo.

“Ah Pickles, we can always count on you,” grinned Goku, and Vegeta and Krillin nodded. It was true. Pickles was love, Pickles was life.

Goku and Naruto fist-bumped, Kakashi and Piccolo shook hands, and Vegeta and Sasuke acknowledged each other with a nod. Goku dropped Team 7 back to the Leaf Village and then got ready to go to Namek. Vegeta and Piccolo grabbed onto him, and they Instant Transmissioned to Piccolo’s home planet.

When they stood before the dragon balls and called out for the dragon, Porunga emerged. He was somehow more majestic than Shenron even if Shenron was more handsome.

“I wish-” started Goku.

“That you’d have sex with me!” cried a shrill voice suddenly.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO,” cried everyone.

“AHHHHHHH Vegeta why’d you say that?” cried Goku, “You don’t even have a womb!”

“It wasn’t me,” roared Vegeta, seething at the accusation.

They suddenly noticed Sakura peering out from behind Goku. She had grabbed his tight ass when they were leaving, and Goku had not noticed because he thought it was Vegeta grabbing his ass. He’d thought it was weird, but, like, not surprising.

“AHHAHHAHAAHA,” chortled Sakura.

(“She’s going to be the end of all of us, NOOOOOOOOO,” screamed a certain someone in the future. Yes, _that_ someone. The hot, hot, hotter than fire, hotter than lava, hotter than Vegeta’s temper, someone. The someone that had gotten half their DNA (and their fine-ass bulge) from Vegeta.)

The dragon’s eyes glowed red, and everyone fell to their knees in defeat. It was all over.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this fic but even if you hated it, don't forget to kudos ;)
> 
> Seriously though I love feedback and comments so please let me know your thoughts! 😁
> 
> Update: You can now WATCH this epic tale unfold on the Sendosenpai Youtube account - look for Naruto / Dragon Ball Z Circle of Life AMV   
> Be there or be square


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